MikosWish

Although i have come do dislike being part of the navy. Its not anything like what it was back when my grandfather was part of it. But i have seen so much of the world. And I have made some valuable friends that i can never replace. And it has given me a lot of material to write my book once i get out of the navy and can once again concentrate on my writing.  I know there are a few of you waiting for me to update my story. And I plan on finishing it. But I am sorry but it will take a bit longer and I ask for your patience. A lot of my writing is packed away in boxes back home and being in the navy makes it hard to write. I will be getting out sometime this next year.

Things are slowly improving. I have gotten rid of friends that werent really friends and I am beginning to feel better. I am trying to get back into my writing. I think it would help my state of mind as it always has. Which means I need to get to the store and buy some more notebooks. Dont know why i feel the need to write it on paper first before typing it. But there is something soothing about seeing it on paper. Unfortunately I have boxes full of notebooks lol

It always hurts finding out that people find being friends with you is nothing more then a burden even when you do nothing wrong and they find it easier or better to just fade and disappear out of your life then keep you in it. It would be nice to have people that would fight to keep you in their life even if all it is, is friendship not asking for more then that. Just want true friends willing to stand beside me and to see my pain. Not asking for you to carry it just want someone to understand.

There has been much death and other sad and depressing things that have happened to me and around me. I have dealt with ignorant and cruel people. Such as my old chief. While in Hong Kong. A man had committed suicide out of depression. He had just lost a father whom he didnt get the chance to say goodbye to or go to a funeral. We are on an air craft carrier so when he jumped off the hanger bay and landed on one of our liberty boats many of my coworkers were the first on scene to try and save his life. Although the attempt failed to save his life my chief had laughed at the beginning of the situation when everyone had been called and afterwards those covered in his blood were forced to continue working with blood stained hands. They had not been allowed to clean off the blood. A friend of mine lost three family members within the same year. First her brother, then her father, and now her mother. The list continues on and it becomes harder for a lot of people. Though i work with a different department and they are better people. I fear for my friends who are stuck unable to escape the cruelty. Not only that but it has been almost two years since i have been able to go home. We have to pay for our own tickets for a plane ride and i had not had the money till now. But we have to get permission to go home. I look around and i see good people being dragged down, treated less then human, and i see something die in them a little every day.

Today was a sad day for me. Someone who i cared about left to go back to the states and didnt even bother to say goodbye. I shouldnt be surprised. He had been avoiding me this whole time anyways. But it still hurts even when i saw it coming.